


You'll fit so nicely you'll keep me intact

by ecapss



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alcohol, I promise?, Implied Sexual Content, Like, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, REALLLLLLLLLLLLLY SOFT, abuse mention, alcohol mention, but this is fluffy, slight nsfw, the softest thing I've written for these hoes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 15:00:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19379068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ecapss/pseuds/ecapss
Summary: Fuck. Anti is drunk. Like, the drunkest he’s been in a long time. This is his first realization.The second, is that due to the first realizations unfortunate effects, Mark’s gentle nudge sent Anti stumbling right into his chest.His third and decidedly last realization Anti’s brain provides him as he looks up to the shocked man now keeping him upright, is that Mark is fucking hot.Like, disgustingly fucking hot.The three thoughts merge into an irresponsible cocktail that drowns 26 years of intimacy issues in favor of slumping further into the odd half embrace Mark holds him in.





	You'll fit so nicely you'll keep me intact

**Author's Note:**

> sorry I'm gone for so long u know the drill lifes a nightmare and im a sleep paralysis demon

Anti wishes more than anything he could be an alcoholic. Or a drug addict. Some kinda lifestyle that involves washing anything of real substance clean from your brain. He’d make a cute little zombie, mindless and content. It’d be so easy, let pill bottles pile under his bed frame, take whatever poisons are thrust at him in back alley parties.

 

He glares down at his stupid cup full of red-bull. It rudely does not turn to something more potent.

 

Another thing his father ruined for him then, escapism. Fastest way to raise a kid sober is to be an alcoholic.

 

But it doesn’t serve him to keep score, so he sips at the disgustingly sweet energy drink and wishes it burned like whisky instead of carbonation.

 

Until Mark shows up. Fucking. Mark.

 

Anti is a god damn adult, there’s no harm in an adult having one drink at a party. Or two. With his tolerance, he’s seeing straight until around four. It’s a self made rule, but he respects it as if god themself declared alcohol prohibition the eleventh commandment.

 

Not that he’s one to respect the good lord, but he sure is mindful of it.

 

He keeps his eyes down, the lights blurring his shoes into the floor. Background chatter, laughing, life just, pounding against skull until he starts to reconsider.

 

Surely adults are allowed to break the rules on special occasions. Getting drunk every so often is normal, especially at a party. It’s fine. Normal. Healthy even.

 

The resulting glass of whisky is the gateway to artificial peace found at the bottom of a few more glasses. He forgot what this feels like, having upheld his four drink limit since the last time Dark pulled him out of a gutter years before Mark even met him.

 

The thought slides away with another swig. Too much effort keeping track of them now.

 

“Anti?”

 

It’s loud enough to fein ignorance, keeping his eyes closed and quickly trying to count how many drinks he’s had. Anti’s interrupted by a firm hand pulling him back by his shoulder, words tumbling out of his mouth unaided by his alcohol drowned filter.

 

“Darling, hands off what isn’t-”

 

Fuck. Anti is drunk. Like, the drunkest he’s been in a long time. This is his first realization.

The second, is that due to the first realizations unfortunate effects, Mark’s gentle nudge sent Anti stumbling right into his chest.

His third and decidedly last realization Anti’s brain provides him as he looks up to the shocked man now keeping him upright, is that Mark is fucking hot.

 

Like, disgustingly fucking hot.

 

The three thoughts merge into an irresponsible cocktail that drowns 26 years of intimacy issues in favor of slumping further into the odd half embrace Mark holds him in.

 

“You alright?” Mark asks a question, but the shiver his voice draws out from Anti answers before his nod can.

 

He blinks once before deciding that’s enough thinking for tonight as Mark picks him up completely and pins him to the nearest wall.

 

Theres a moment where Anti wonders if Mark has always been this strong before he’s kissed with such intensity the only words he can conceive are _more_ and _closer_. Its dizzying, how fast Anti’s composure melts, how _warm_ Mark is against him. The pure force of it leaves him breathless, in a strange, tense kind of way. Something is overwhelming, the sensation choking him.

 

With a small, embarrassing whine, Anti buries his head into Mark’s neck, needing the ground to return under his feet before he loses himself.

 

Mark, like an asshole, gets concerned for his well being and stops.

 

“Anti?” Fuck, his voice is nice. A lot of things about Mark are nice, and Anti wonders why he’s never noticed before now. He hums back, hoping that will suffice and the hands in his hair will keep massaging away the unpleasant buzzing.

 

Because of Mark’s previously mentioned assholery, they do not. He moves his hands from Anti’s hair to his back, supporting his weight in a disgustingly tender embrace.

 

“Anti c’mon.” Mark tries again, the slight tinge of concern obligating Anti to mumble a response before the idiot works himself into a panic or something.

 

“Accounted for.” He means to play it off as a joke, just some of his usual sharp wits, but Anti’s traitorous fucking voice decides to crack sharp enough to force a swallow.

 

“What’s wrong?” Mark’s hands travel up and down his spine, gently tracing a pattern that draw a hiss from Anti. The stupid idiot could ask for the world right now and Anti would promise it.

 

But what Mark asks for is much worse. He wants honesty.

 

Anti tries his best. He really, truly does but his brain has long since melted and Mark’s distracting wondering touches aren’t helping.

 

Thank god the alcohol is.

 

“’S just, a lot?” What a little bitch of a thing to say. Anti wants to take it back but the relief in Mark’s eyes makes him feel like somehow it was the right answer.

 

“I can stop if-“

 

“Please don’t.”

 

Anti bites his tongue, muscles tense in surprise of what he’d confessed and fear of where it would lead him. The world sharpens with the taste of blood but leaves him in the same soft, vulnerable state Mark had coaxed out of him, embarrassment cutting down to his core at how pathetic this is. How all it took was a few drinks and a minute of attention to tear away years of protective boundaries. He knows better, _fuck_ does he know better. He knows where this leads and where this will leave him; A cold bed and nauseating regret.

 

But those nights were sharp themselves, the men he spent them with only filler. Everything about Mark is so irritatingly good, and warm, and bright, that Anti would be a fool to consider any of this is in malicious intent.

 

Maybe, maybe adults can break more than one rule on _really_ special occasions. Just this one time.

 

And that idea takes his breath away for different, more enjoyable reasons. Reasons he’d love to pursue right now.

 

Whatever god that usually amuses themselves watching Anti suffer must have taken the day off because Mark doesn’t slow in his meticulous deconstruction of Anti. Not when, he’s too nervous to make noise, only breathing small gasps and stifled whimpers. Not when he breaks, uncaring of the hands restraining him from keeping a single moan secret, too lost to hate the needy noises falling from his mouth as he begs. Not afterward, when Anti is pressed securely against his chest because he needs to be close to hold it all together.

 

Anti wakes up warm, and even if that twists his stomach with anxiety, he’s a selfish, selfish man, so he cuddles closer and closes his eyes.

 

Breaking rules is normal. People have hookups all the time. It’s fine. Healthy even.

 

Strong arms pull him in further and for the first time he can recall, Anti smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> u know where to find me


End file.
